The rituals of the drunk

A perspective from the morning after
Whilst talking to some friends about drinking the other day (cos that's what all the kids talk about, apparently), I was posed the question, "So, what kind of drunk are you?"
Ah, the ultimate judge of character. From that one night (or day, depending on your Man Points), the casual observer will completely know the ins and outs of you, even if you have no idea what's what at that particular moment, depending on what kind of drunk you are. I was thrown by this question. Previous to this moment, I had never been completely munted. Yes, I've had the occasional drink (prior to my coming of age, I'd never sought out drinks. that involved too much effort), but not to the point of head-to-gutter contact. I didn't know what kind of drunk I was.
At this point, I should clarify the Official Categories of Drunk (amended 2004). From what I can remember of this charter, the categories of drunk include: Happy ("Woo, beer!"), Hyperactive ("beerbeerbeeberbeerberrbeer..."etc.), Angry (*punchy**hurty*), Handsy ("Iluvyabudyyyy"*grope*), Dancer/Dancing Queen ([rhythm not found]); Depressed (*unhappy*), and Sleazy ("Oi! WannaRoot?"). If I'm forgetting anything, add the other categories to the comments.
I was confused. If I don't know what kind of drunk I am, I know nothing of myself (apparently). So to notch up some miles along the path of self-enlightenment, I joined a few people I knew and went out for a night of drinking to the point of self-abuse (not the happy-ending self abuse, I must point out). I am pleased to announce that I am a Big Boy now! I'm not gonna go into too many details, as frequent viewers will already know of the juicy details.

"What kind of drunk are you?" There's that question again. Though after going through that night, replaying my surroundings and my behaviour over and over again, this question is kind of inaccurate. It isn't like you immediately become a completely different person, or a caricature that can be lumped into a few categories (human complexities are fun(!)).
Rather, I found that people still remain themselves when they become somewhat schickered; just more extreme versions of themselves. Examples are go: Not a fan of dance music when sober, you'll despise the stuff when smashed; That girl/guy you kinda have an interest for will become your One True Love after a few several glasses; All your opinions will become The Law if you're dancing the drunken shuffle. And so on, and so forth. It's like watching someone through a magnifying glass: Their characteristics and behaviour are demonstrated with broad strokes, rather than fine brushes.
So in a way, you could be thrown into the Categories of Drunk, but this is merely an easier way to describe a person and their normal behaviour. A happy drunk will usually be a steady person with nothing to worry about. The angry and depressed drunk will usually have a few small, niggling issues that they have to deal with. The sleazy drunk will in real life be a fucking wanker who needs to grow up already and lose that fucking ego. Etcetera.

What's just as fun, I found, is the morning after, when the Sensible You wakes up and hears about the crazy times Drunk You got up to the previous night. And let me tell you, Sensible You, like the average mother, won't like any of the stuff Drunk You did. What did you do? You told the other children what? Why did you punch that guy? What did I tell you about flopping your wang out in public? After this scolding, Sensible You will just go ahead and punish the hell out of Drunk You. The other Yous watch on, curious as to what the maternal is doing. She's still raging on, however, and she'll swing her rage towards these nosy Yous. Punishments will be handed out left, right and centre, leaving everyone with a headache, as well as that sick felling of guilt.
After this lesson in authority, you're left with Sensible You's words lingering in your head (as well as the aftertaste of sick in your mouth), replaying the previous night to the soundtrack of those words. Much of the time, you wince as to what you did the previous night. But in some cases, you are, for the lack of a better word, proud of what you got up to, what Drunk You did what Rational You couldn't have done in normal life. It depends really. The really fun bit, though, comes afterwards, when you act on what went on that night. Do you re-introduce yourself to those friendly people you met last night? How do you handle those personal secrets people handed over to you? Do you chase up that new phone number in your collection?