More relevant reportage from the Important Journal of Scientific Fact! (Vol. 11 Oct 07):
9/11 meant lighter bubs
A trend towards low birth-weight babies born in and around New York in the months after 9/11 has been blamed on stress caused by the attacks.
The journal Human Reproduction reported a two-thirds increase in the risk of giving birst to a slightly underweight baby in the week after 9/11.
The University of California at Berkeley researchers found it was higher even months after.
The community has been loud in its desire for a solution to childhood obesity; and the IJSF! have delivered yet again with this important, potentially life-saving, medical finding.
One prominent weight loss corporation has already launched a new advertising campaign:
Are you worried that your future children will grow up morbidly obese? Well now there's a solution! Head down to your local Al-Qaeda branch or Young Liberals meeting, and ask them to ensue some fear into your community. Soon you'll be seeing images like this and this, giving your newborn a head start in life.
Think it's too good to be true? It isn't! Just ask this satisfied customer.
Not her: After my parents put me on the program, I haven't had any obesity issues. Thank you, weight-loss program! You've saved my life and public image!!
This program seems to work somewhat successfully. I have seen someone go from this to this to this after only 4 years on the program.
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In unrelated news, a new weight loss device has been discovered which will allow users to lose 20lb instantly. Schematics can be found below
Pay by credit card and get a free set of Steak Knives™. Perfect for instant weight loss on the go!
Another important lesson from the bastion of facts, stats and etc, the IJSF!