Endorse Your Fruit (aka. A Satirical Spoof Bukake Party)

Pick up lines not to use at your local election night party:
"Hey baby, you wanna see my opinion poll? It's a foot-long, and it's only at 54%, oh yeah"
"I'm throwing a threesome with me and Antony Green. You want in?"
"I say, your mammaries are making the blood swell into my pelvic region. May I insert my phallus into your orifice, perchance?"
"Check out my Pork Barrel, mama!"

Disclaimer: If you're here expecting hard-hitting political analysis, don't. Just don't.

One more day, ladies and gentlemen. ONE MORE FREAKING DAY until it's upon us. Oh yes, I've been eagerly awaiting that One Day In November for a good year or so now, and it's almost finally here. If you're expecting me to lead into something completely unrelated to the election (eg. Post-Thanksgiving, Turkey's Teacher's Day, The Day After November 23!), prepare to be bitterly disappointed, because, yes, I'm talking about Election 07: Australia Edition (as opposed to Election 08: Pakistani Edition).

Amidst the 'Rudd Is My Sexy Sexy Man Studd Bud' badges and 'Liberal: The Political Party That Won't Eat Your Babies And Conscript Your Parents Into Working At The Underground Mines And Plunge Our Economy Into The Commie Red Kevin Rudd Suxxorz On Teh Bal1z0rz' banana stickers (rolls straight of the tongue, doesn't it?), there hasn't been much else going on.

Sure Tony Abbot said a swear on live TV (his rebuttal), and sure Mr and Mrs John Winston Howard came out of the closet in support of each other (here's a photo from their wedding night). But where's the passion, the heart, the mud slinging that would put Tuesday nights at Scores to shame? It's elections like these where I begin to really miss the classic put downs and insults from The Great One himself, Paul Keating (reminiscing).
Overall, it's been a boring campaign. Barren, if you will (though at the same time, that allegation came from The Hefferhorn, he who said that priests should be allowed to have sex because they "wake up with a horn at four in the morning", so it hasn't been completely without horrific mental pictures - speaking of which).

So, like any other bored child (not the best segue from talking about horny priests), I went to my laptop and looked up some porn (again with the morally murky segues). After I got bored, I decided to research me some satirical videos.
A foreword: This was done earlier this month, until otherworldly commitments began to take over. So unless someone is prepared to sponsor this space (because not unlike the Labor party, I'm selling out. Yeah!), you'll have to be content with slightly stale, yet still edible if you use it in a blueberry pie, other people's political satire in video form (cos I certainly can't think of anything relevant, witty, et al. by myself ).

First off, a primer for those of you unfamiliar with this MyFaceTubular election:



And a how to for political campaigning:



Speaking of furry animals:



If children's pop ain't your flava...bling...hŏs...nī'jər...some other stereotypical gangster phrase which will make me sound even more white?



A debate on Newstopia, probably the funniest show on Aussie TV at the moment (though they don't have much competition at the moment, do they?)



Another Micallef gem. Scarily still relevant despite it being done back in 2000:



More ovary-exploding Howard shenanigans (Warning: May induce heavy vomiting/pregnancy):



Not everyone is impressed by the way Howard uses his walk (that he's a woman's man, no time to talk)
(Language warning: English):



Though you can never have enough Howard bashing, we might as well take a break with some Rudd lovin':



Continuing with the ethnic theme:



Time for a breather. Here's some more Micallef funny:



Here's the obligatory Chaser clip that every political clip show must have, by law:



Okay, I got bored and looked up porn:



And as we approach the climax of this election (smooth transition, I know), we remember the past, and hope we don't make the same mistakes as we've made the past several times:



Despite what Mr. Newspoll and his bastard son Galaxy poll have to say, Camp Liberal still have an ace or two up their sleeve:



And like every other variety show, best-of montage, and barely read blog, let's end with a musical number. Here's Dan Kelly and the Alpha Males with Drunk On Election Night.
(Contains naughty words, though done oh so sweetly):

It isn't comedic, I know. But it's fitting. Let's hope it isn't telling of tomorrow night.


Come tomorrow, there'll be a change in the wind. If Liberal wins, there'll be overcast times, with the economy most likely plateuing if not hitting recession land due to inflationary pressures, barely anything material being done to battle climate change, and the health system still being in shambles; or if Labor wins, there'll be overcast times, with the economy most likely plateuing if not hitting recession land due to inflationary pressures, barely anything material being done to battle climate change, and the health system still being in shambles, what with their me too-ism MO.

One last quote to lave with you from the boys at Boxcutters: "Australia has a very clear choice on Saturday, and we've got a real chance to do something here, and I'd hate for Australia to wake up on Sunday morning and realise they had done the wrong thing. So I'm urging everyone to think about...your actions, and for the love of God, do not watch Mel and Kochie's election night crapathon"; "It's gotta be Antony Green and the ABC Team"



I'm excited about Election07! Are you?



Bonus content:
Another Chaser clip (slightly out of sync)
Why democracy is flawed
Endorse Your Fruit (the inspiration for this post's title)
Reasons You Will Hate Me (she who originally thought of the first half of the third pick-up line)
I can't believe it's not copyright infringement